Many parents motivate their children in the wrong way, for example,, by comparing their children with other children. Nurturing a child's competitive nature can provide benefits but also have negative impacts.
Find out more about the impacts of comparing children with other children.
The negative impact of comparing children
Increase the potential for sibling rivalry
Comparing one child to another in the family can increase sibling rivalry. If children should grow up to love, care for and respect each other, then frequently comparing the two will affect the way they relate and interact. They may grow up fighting frequently, fighting over attention or possessions, and being reluctant to give in or share.
Suppressing children’s talents
Consistently comparing children can stifle their talents and potential. When children feel undervalued and constantly measured against others, they may lose the motivation to explore and develop their unique skills. This can ultimately lead to the suppression of their talents.
Undermines the child’s self-esteem
Constantly comparing children can severely damage their self-esteem. Self-esteem is crucial for children, as it involves feeling valued, capable, and confident in themselves. It empowers them to try new experiences, tackle challenges, and adapt to different situations.
When children are frequently compared to others, they may develop fear, hesitation, and a reluctance to try new things. This can hinder their ability to explore their potential and grow into confident individuals who embrace challenges.
Leading to stress in children
Constant comparisons can lead to stress in children, causing feelings of depression and anxiety. This stress can impact their overall well-being, affecting both their physical and mental health.
Signs that a child is stressed due to constant comparisons may include:
- Difficulty sleeping
- Struggling to concentrate in lessons
- Complaints of headaches and stomach aches
- Emotional difficulties and irritability
- Withdrawal from social interactions with other children
- Challenges with anger management and increased stubbornness
Struggles with social interactions
Children who experience frequent comparisons may struggle with social interactions due to a lack of self-confidence. This can lead to hesitancy in new environments, withdrawal, and avoidance of social interaction.
Tips for motivating children without comparing
Building children's motivation without comparison must start in childhood. Here are some things that need to be done to motivate children from an early age:
Ignite curiosity
It's natural for your little one to be curious and eager to learn about everything around them. This curiosity has been a part of their development since infancy. Encourage and accompany your child as they explore new objects, sharing with them the object's name, purpose, and any potential risks associated with it.
Encourage children to explore
Children who are given the opportunity to explore and choose will learn to build motivation on themselves. This presents a new learning experience for children. You can accompany your child while they play and explore, so that if your child needs their help, you can respond to them.
Prioritize social interactions
From an early age, children must be taught to interact socially. Provide games that can be played with other people so that children know how to share, how to develop communication skills, and how to dare to express their opinions.
Give appreciation
Offering appreciation to children can boost their self-confidence and self-motivation. It's important to recognize that the pressure children face intensifies as they enter school. Reduced enjoyment of learning is often linked to feelings of depression and anxiety.
Acknowledging and appreciating children for their efforts helps them view failure as a learning opportunity and rekindles their motivation.
If you need medical advice or consultation, you can either visit a doctor or make use of the consultation features that are available in the Ai Care application by downloading the Ai Care application from the App Store or Play Store.
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- Sean Edbert Lim, MBBS
Tian C (2022). Why Should Parents Stop Comparing Their Children to Others? Available from: https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/why-should-parents-stop-comparing-their-child-to-others/.
Harvard University. How to Motivate Children: Science-Based Approaches for Parents, Caregivers, and Teachers. Available from: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/how-to-motivate-children-science-based-approaches-for-parents-caregivers-and-teachers/.
Sherri Gordon (2020). Pros and Cons of Competition Among Kids and Teens. Available from: https://www.verywellfamily.com/competition-among-kids-pros-and-cons-4177958.
KidsHealth (2023). Sibling Rivalry. Available from: https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/sibling-rivalry.html.
Raising Children (2021). Self-esteem in children: 1–8 years. Available from: https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/about-self-esteem.
Mayo Clinic (2022). Stressed out kids? Signs and strategies. Available from: https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/stressed-out-kids.
