Being in a romantic relationship that looks almost perfect does not always mean everything is fine. When friends your age are moving on from single life or even starting families, something may feel off. If you or your partner are not actively pursuing a career or feel constrained by parental approval, it is worth asking whether gamophobia could be involved.
What is Gamophobia?
You may not hear the term often, but the meaning becomes clear with a brief explanation.
Gamophobia refers to a fear of commitment. People with gamophobia can be loving and attentive partners, yet the fear of commitment is so strong that they feel unable to pursue a serious, long-term relationship such as marriage.
At least 1 in 10 adults may be at risk of gamophobia. The risks are higher in people with personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder, who may avoid commitment due to intense fear of rejection or abandonment. It is also higher in those raised by parents with similar anxiety issues, and in individuals with a genetic tendency toward anxiety or phobias.
Causes of Gamophobia
Most people who fear commitment have experienced events that felt traumatic. Gamophobia often functions as a protective response that keeps them from long-term commitments. Several factors may contribute, and they can be viewed as common causes of fear of marriage:
- Parental Divorce
Children who witness a parental breakup may grow up fearing similar conflict in their own relationships and try to avoid commitment.
- Traumatic Experiences
Adults who have gone through painful breakups or divorce may steer clear of long-term commitments. They may pull back and withdraw when someone gets emotionally close.
- FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
Some people worry about choosing the wrong partner. Others feel unready to commit even when the partner seems right.
- Cultural and Religious Pressure
Long-term commitments, including marriage, can feel intimidating due to cultural or religious rules. For example, individuals from communities that discourage intermarriage may fear consequences tied to those beliefs.
Signs of Gamophobia
People with gamophobia may show physical symptoms when faced with talk of long-term commitment, including:
- Feeling cold
- Dizziness or lightheadedness
- Excessive sweating
- Heart palpitations
- Nausea
- Shortness of breath
- Trembling
- Stomach pain
- Indigestion
Beyond these physical symptoms, you may also notice the following patterns:
- Your partner has a history of multiple short relationships, or a long relationship that ended once serious commitment was discussed
- Your partner avoids conversations about commitment or long-term plans
- They do not consistently include you in large-group activities, such as a friend’s wedding, family events, or other gatherings
- They use words like “maybe” and “could be” more often than clear statements when making plans
- People with commitment fears may be sexually active yet avoid relationships that could lead to commitment
- People with gamophobia rarely say “I love you” and often struggle to express feelings
- People with gamophobia can be unpredictable and show mood shifts that leave you confused. Some days they seem very warm, while on others they appear distant.
Being with someone who fears commitment can be exhausting. If you truly care for them, consider encouraging Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT can help reframe beliefs about commitment. With open communication and consistent therapy, many people with gamophobia can adjust their views and manage anxiety and fear more effectively.
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- dr Hanifa Rahma
WebMD (2020). Commitment Phobia: Symptoms and Signs. Available from: https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/commitment-phobia-symptoms-signs
Cleveland Clinic (2022). Gamophobia (Fear of Commitment). Available from: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22570-gamophobia-fear-of-commitment
Berit Brogaard, DM, Sci, Phd (2015). 10 Signs That Your Lover Is Commitment Phobic. Available from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201503/10-signs-your-lover-is-commitment-phobic